BIOGRAPHY1995
Alan decided to leave the band and called a band meeting in London. It took
place without Dave, who didn't react to Alan's telephone call, or to a fax.
(By the way: There is a quote from Daniel Miller in which it is claimed that
there had been a meeting right after the tour and that Alan wanted to get full
control in the studio. Alan said that there had never been such a meeting and
that he had never said anything like that. Of course, it's not sure whether Miller
had ever said anything like that.)
Martin: "Alan just told us that he didn't particularly get on with
us anymore. He felt that our relationships had all gone down the drain and,
because of that, it was time to leave. But there were a lot of things he
didn't tell us at that meeting that came out later. He made a very big press
statement saying that he felt the workload had been unfairly distributed
over the course of the last album or two, and that he wasn't getting enough
appreciation and gratitude from the rest of the band. What he failed to
say in that press statement is that he is a control freak who decided it
should be that way. We were all quite happy going home at midnight or one
in the morning when we were in the studio. But Alan is one of those studioheads
who loves being there until four in the morning. He focuses on every minute
detail. Or over-focuses. And also, for the last tour, he took it on himself
to prepare all the backing tapes. He said he wanted to do it. Since the rest
of us don't particularly enjoy that task, we said, 'Fine, if you want to
do it, go ahead.' Maybe we didn't thank him enough at the end."[1]
Alan's statement read:
"Due to increasing dissatisfaction with the internal
relations and working practices of the group, it is with
some sadness that I have decided to part company from
Depeche Mode. My decision to leave the group was not
an easy one particularly as our last few albums were an
indication of the full potential that Depeche Mode was realising.
Since joining in 1982, I have continually striven
to give total energy, enthusiasm and commitment to the
furthering of the group's success and in spite of a
consistent imbalance in the distribution of the workload,
willingly offered this. Unfortunately, within the group,
this level of input never received the respect and
acknowledgement that it warrants.
Whilst I believe that the calibre of our musical output has improved,
the quality of our association has deteriorated to the
point where I no longer feel that the end justifies
the means. I have no wish to cast aspersions on any
individual; suffice to say that relations have become
seriously strained, increasingly frustrating and,
ultimately, in certain situations, intolerable. Given
these circumstances, I have no option but to leave the group."[2]
Later he explained, "The reason I made a statement when I left the group
was to try to summarize succinctly in my own words some of the reasons for my
departure, rather than have the press speculate and inevitably draw the wrong
conclusions."[3]
It seemed as if especially Martin was angry about this statement. The question
here is whether Alan told some uncomfortable truths or if Martin felt that it
wasn't the truth.
I'm quite sure that everything Alan said is true; it's just a question of putting
it in the right context and of not forgetting that there are always two sides
to every story.
Alan was willing to provide everything and - when he noticed that
he didn't get anything in return - probably seized almost the whole project,
leaving no room for the other members of the team. Martin, however, was willing
to let him seize the project. He was fine with going out partying, leaving Alan
behind working in the studio. He was also fine with letting Alan work out the
backing tapes and the new live versions, without even listening to them before
they were played on stage.
Alan enjoyed what he was doing, but he felt forced to provide more than he
wanted to provide, because it was no longer "work sharing", but became a
"working while the others enjoy themselves and sometimes deliver something" situation.
Martin obviously didn't try to involve himself or to sit down and talk to Alan
to find a solution; however, Martin is known to be shy. Maybe he felt pushed
aside and wasn't able to tell Alan what he wanted, especially because Alan was
so focused that he might not notice small hints.
Here we are again at the question of how important Fletch and Dave were for the
balance and the team-spirit, because at that time the team was (more or less)
reduced to Alan and Martin, and evidently it became clear that they couldn't
work with each other on their own. Thus, maybe Alan felt Martin didn't value
his work, while Martin felt Alan had taken over such an important leading role
that it wasn't a team situation any longer.
At that time Martin was sure that this was the end of DM because they didn't
want to go on without Alan. But we know that he would change his mind later.
Alan: "Martin shook my hand and looked a bit embarrassed and Fletch
got quite defensive and seemed to take it rather personally.
Some of the comments that were made during the promotion for DM's last
album were disappointing although not unsurprising and I can understand a
bit of why they might have been said. The simple fact is that most people
just do not understand or appreciate that 'producing' a record properly requires
an enormous amount of energy and concentration. Anyone can go into a studio
for a couple of hours a day, take loads of drugs, twiddle a few knobs, whack
it all on a CD and call it a finished album but invariably the end result sounds
like what it is - lazy and ill-judged. I can't just roll into the studio at 5
o'clock in the afternoon with a raging hangover and expect to be able to work
effectively. This doesn't mean that I never take a break during a session
but as a rule, I like to keep work time and play time separate so I can give
my absolute best to whatever project I'm involved in. If this makes me boring
then fine ... I'd rather be boring but have a really good record."[4]
If his words about rolling "into the studio at 5 o'clock in the afternoon with
a raging hangover" were a description of the recording sessions of SOFAD,
one gets closer to the reasons why he found it unbearable.
(with friendly permission of © Anja - compositionofsound)
Martin and Fletch made some caustic statements around this time, indeed.
Fletch: "We were never in contact with him anyway when he was in the
band. It's almost like he never existed."
Martin: "I don't think we should ever get into a slanging match with
Alan, because he was an integral part of the band who had a lot of input and
a lot to say in what the band was doing.[5] It wasn't totally unexpected.
Alan's always been very private and secretive, so it's very hard to know
exactly how he's thinking at any given point. But it became very apparent
to us that he wasn't happy. It wasn't a shock at all when he left. I think
he took too much upon himself. I think even he would readily admit he's a
control freak.[6] I think Alan was very set in his ways. I'm sure if we
ever suggested something to Alan, and he didn't particularly like what we
were suggesting, he would make sure it didn't work."[7]
Interestingly enough, Alan thought none "of them were aware that it
was coming and even if they were, I don't think they thought I'd actually go
through with it."[8] It's yet more proof of how bad the communication was between
the band members, backed up by Martin's remark "It's hard to know exactly how"
Alan's "thinking at any given point," because Alan said almost the same thing
about Martin.
Fletch: "I think he felt the band would split up, what with the state
Dave was in. I think he wanted to be the first one to jump ship."[9]
This is a statement that you still find today on some message-boards. "Alan
wanted to destroy the band / he thought it would split up when he left." And
although an inside source told me that Alan really said something like this -
that his departure should come down on Martin like a ton of bricks, and that he
felt it would be the end of DM - I don't think one should overrate this just as
one shouldn't overrate the statements of Martin and Fletch at that time. All of
them were angry, and angry people tend to say such things.
Alan: "It sounds arrogant, but if I could do everything myself I would. I like to work alone - though this doesn't mean that I don't ever want other people's input. I enjoy collaborating, but not on a permanent basis. With Depeche Mode, what I learned over the years from working with other people has been invaluable. It's left me in a position where I know what I want in terms of production. Nowadays, I find that working with other people slows that process down, and sometimes turns it into a battle. At this stage in my life, I feel I don't want that anymore. ... I think I'm quite diplomatic in the studio. I'm able to put people at ease, and encourage them to bring the best out of themselves. Dave loved being driven hard, even to the point where he would become frustrated; but then the next day he would say, 'I'm so glad you did that, because I'm really pleased with how my vocal sounds'.[10] I wouldn't say I left DM because of the mass of the work. I enjoyed doing this, the production and the programming, I didn't have any feelings of resentment against it. I only had the feeling that it was taken as a given thing."[11]
Martin once said Alan's tensions with Fletch might have been the key for leaving
the band. This is also something that still appears in message-boards very often.
But Alan said, "The relationship that never really flourished
was between myself and Martin. I felt that it was mainly he who didn't
really value the effort I put in, and that disappointed me, because generally
we got on OK and I respected his talent as a songwriter."[12]
When I had the opportunity to talk to Gareth Jones I asked him about
the relationship between Alan and Martin in the 1980s, especially around
recording Black Celebration, because I was curious to find out if there
was any sign of a difficult relationship between these two characters before SOFAD.
"I just remember everyone was working very
hard. At that stage Martin wrote all the songs, and Alan was a huge part of
the studio-team. He was there every minute. Martin, Dave and Fletch might come
in a bit later sometimes, on some days. Alan was there with me, Daniel Miller
and the assistant every minute of the whole thing. We were all working in a
very loving way, I think, with a lot of love and respect for the songs. We
all felt we were working on the songs, even Martin had written them. Once he
had written them they became a life of their own. And the responsibility of
the production-team as a group of musicians was to make the songs as good as
we could. To me it seems that Alan and Martin had a great relationship. Alan
was working incredibly hard and focused to make the best out of the songs."
Of course, Gareth Jones can't say anything about the relationship between
them during the time of SOFAD because he didn't work with them at that period.
"I don't know if there was particularly a problem between Martin
and Alan. Clearly there was a problem in the group somehow. Y'know, it's like
in a family, isn't it? In a family, if one member starts behaving badly then
you have a family problem. You can't just blame one person, the whole family
is something that needs to be looked at. And I guess it's a bit like in a band,
it's a complex relationship. And when it goes wrong it goes badly wrong
sometimes."[13]
There's a lot of truth in it. Each member of a team is "guilty" of something,
and no one particularly can be blamed for the whole situation.
Alan: "During Devotional I decided to leave DM. However, I had already
thought about it during the work on the album. The relationships
within the band had got very bad. Generally I never wanted
to be in a band my whole musical life, and I thought
this would be a good time to do this step forward."[14]
Remember the previous chapters. There are quotes of him, saying that he decided
to leave the band 18 months after the tour. As it has been mentioned before it
probably was a kind of process. At a certain point you start being dissatisfied.
This dissatisfaction grows over the course of time, nevertheless there are things
you still like. So you actually enjoy what you do most of the time, but basically
you are not satisfied, and think about changing things. So Alan probably means
that he started to consider leaving the band much earlier, but the final decision
was not made before 1995.
In 1997 he named one of the songs on his album Unsound Methods - Control
Freak and was asked whether he did this because Martin called him that name.
Alan: "Yes, but it doesn't refer to the lyrics, it's
just the name of the song. I found it funny somehow. However,
it doesn't have a deeper meaning."[15]
According to my statement that I'm definitely a control freak myself because
I want a project to be as good and perfect as possible, he admitted, "It's true that
I am a bit of a control freak. I think that anyone who
is deeply passionate about what they do will have that
element about them."[16]
Once Fletch was quoted with: "Alan never did like us as people.
Well, he doesn't like anyone as people, really - he hasn't got friends
and things like that."[17]
It's not certain whether he really said it in this way, but Martin also once
called Alan a misanthropist.
Alan: "There's probably an element of truth in this but 'misanthropist'
is perhaps a little harsh. I don't have a huge army of so-called 'friends'
because I don't suffer fools gladly and I'm also not so insecure that
I need an entourage of sycophants singing my praises all the time. I'm very
selective about the people I socialise with. I suspect Martin meant that I
was cynical and sarcastic which is pretty much right! It takes quite a lot
to really get me rattled actually and I've consistently found that humour
(or more specifically, sarcasm) is the best method of diffusing difficult
or confrontational situations."[18]
Later Martin said, "Maybe it's false intimacy when it's all based
on partying, but I think Alan would have to admit that he had fun with us at
times."[19]
He certainly had, but this sentence again clearly shows how little they talk
to each other about essential things.
It seems as if Martin was well aware that some of their statements were a bit
harsh, and over the course of time he would retreat increasingly from this position.
For a long time this "battle" was fought between Martin, Fletch and Alan, while
Dave said little.
Alan: "I didn't hear back directly from Dave but he did send Hep and
me a huge bunch of flowers when Paris was born and we saw him on a couple
of occasions quite soon after. I'm sure he understands exactly why I left and
he has been nothing but a perfect gentleman regarding the whole situation. [...]
I was never angry with the remained members of DM. I still
have a good friendship with Dave and I still have business
relations with DM."[20]
At first, Dave evaded the questions about Alan or humoured Martin and Fletch
a bit. So he said in 1997,
"I think it was happening around when we were making
SOFAD. Alan put in a lot of work, and the thing
is, if you're going to put in all that work, fine, do it. But afterwards,
don't kind of turn around and say, 'Hey, I did all this and what do I get
back for it?' There's a lot of ego stuff goes on, as we know, in these bands.
It just got to the stage where it was like, 'I do all this, and I don't think
I'm respected.' And that's really sad, but I think Alan had to do what he had
to do. You know, I love Alan. I mean he was in the band with us for like,
fifteen years or something. I mean, it's a family. It is a brotherly thing.
Sometimes you hate your brother, and it's like, 'Get out of my face', but
there's something there that's really special."[21]
He is concordant with Gareth Jones on this. Probably many successful bands feel
that way because they share experiences that aren't easily experienced by "normal" people.
In 2001 he said (according to Ultra), "I felt a big part of what
we were doing was missing - a leader, musically, and for me Alan was that.
The others would say he was too controlling, but he just worked his a*** off
because he really believed in it and the idea of pushing himself musically,
which you can hear on his own records. I find that really inspiring. I miss him."[22]
And in 2003, "I really miss Alan's input on everything we do musically,
but I miss him as a friend. He was probably the person in the band I felt
supported by the most and I wish I'd fought harder for him to stay. What Alan
really wanted was for Martin to turn round and say, 'You've really contributed
something great', but Martin's not someone who hands out compliments very often."[23]
Alan: "Dave is very generous and I think he is honest at
his comments. I think it seemed strange to him to work with
so many new people. He said such nice things about me which
gives me a good feeling. Although I'm happy with what
I do now I also miss it not having him around."[24]
To understand why Alan left, it's necessary to put his different answers together
and not to look at a single statement. As we have seen, there were 26 different
answers to the question in the survey of depechemodebiographie.de about why Alan
had left the band. This shows how much Alan had said about it over the course of
time. Maybe he said TOO much but the reasons that led to his final decision
were probably so complex that he could talk about it all day and still wouldn't
be able to sum it up, as he once said.
Not even people who are close to him are able to understand and explain it.
"I don't know really why Alan decided to leave the band," Steve Lyon said.
"I knew before it became a common knowledge. I don't know if he told anyone else
but I knew that he was going to leave. I really think it's really unfortunate because
the working relationships and the success that they had were good. When we were
working together it was incredible. It's a real shame that he left. Sometimes
things have to break and then go together again. So let's wait and see. They had
been together in the band for a long time. And he took a very, very lead role in
the band and it's a shame that they are not working together again."[25]
But probably this lead role is the crux. All the problems and tension seem to
be based on it.
Some fans and journalists have their own theories about Alan's departure. "I
don't believe him when he says it had been a well-thought out decision. I think
it was an irrational act because he was burnt out, hurt, disappointed and angry"
is one of these theories.
Being burnt out, and thus coming to the conclusion that he had had enough of the
whole thing, so that it would be the right time to do something that had been
brewing on his mind for longer would be an explanation that makes sense. There
is even a statement by Alan that could prove this (see 1997).
Later, not only the remaining band members but also Alan watered
their statements down. But I don't think that "I never expected to remain
in a band all my life. There's something quite sad about being in a 'pop'
group when you hit middle age" and "one of the reasons I eventually left was
so that I'd be able to spend more time at home with my family"[26] as well as
"I wanted change and wanted to do something different. It was at a time in my
life when I needed to clear out a lot of baggage and I just felt it was time
to move on"[27], and the additional wish to focus on his own project shouldn't
be seen as alibis, or as back-pedalling as some people do, because he had
mentioned some of these things long before SOFAD. I think these reasons
were a kind of background. Only "My decision to leave wasn't as a direct result
of tensions anyway"[28] sounds a bit strange, because it doesn't match his official
statement at all. Because the main point, of course, was the team-work fraught
with problems. If he had still been happy in the band, the other reasons wouldn't
have become that important for him, or he would have found a way to combine
the band with his own projects, and with family life.
Both points are probably correct again - it was a well thought-out decision
and an irrational act at the same time. The well thought-out decision followed
a line of consideration and personal / musical development from Violator
onwards, but in the end it was probably based on being burnt out and being
disappointed, because his official statement sounds a bit like that, while
everything he said afterwards is much more moderate.
But maybe he was simply slightly unhappy with his official statement - perhaps
because of being angry about the reactions of Martin and Fletch at the meeting,
(maybe he had expected they would try to change his mind), or possibly because
he was over-accurate in writing down the reasons. Everyone might know this:
you are trying to write down something very important, write, edit, think,
write, edit ... and end up leaving out something essential, or coming across
in the wrong way. This caused angry reactions from Martin and Fletch, and that
raised speculation in the media and among fans - a typical knock-on effect.
The speculation got out of control here and there, and some fans still think
today that Alan got paid less than the other band members.
But Alan said, "The publishing royalties go to whoever wrote the song
(and are obviously split if there was more than one writer). Record royalties
are divided equally between all group members at the time of the recording.
Just as I receive royalties from any recordings I was involved in, I have
certain rights regarding their release. Leaving the band does not stop me
receiving a 25% share of royalties from record sales of all the work I was
involved in - that means everything from Construction Time Again
through to SOFAD. I will continue to earn for as long as the records keep
selling."[29]
(It's No Good - with friendly permission of © Ana Marķa Villanueva O., Punta Arenas, Chile)
This had been one of the big topics of that year. The other was Dave
again. In August 1995 he made another detox.
"When I went up to my house to get some clothes I found it had been looted."[30]
Everything was gone, his Harleys, studio equipment, the stereo system, everything
down to the cutlery. The house had a coded alarm system, so it must have been
an inside job. He didn't know what to do, so he checked into the Sunset Marquis
(a hotel in LA and a meeting point for junkies).
"I rang my mother and she said Teresa had told her that I hadn't been to any
rehab, I wasn't even trying to get clean like I'd promised - and I was trying,
I was doing the best I could. I quickly got loaded and drank a lot of wine,
took a handful of pills. I went into the bathroom and cut my wrists. Uh,
there was a friend with me. ... In fact I remember now, I was in the middle
of that phone call to my mum and I told her to hold on, I'd be back in a
minute, went to the bathroom and cut my wrists, wrapped towels round them
and came back to the phone and said, 'Mum, I've got to go, I love you very
much.' Then I sat down with my friend and acted like nothing was going on.
I put my arms down by my sides and I could feel them bleeding away."[31]
There is also another version of this story. According to that version he was
alone, but knew a friend would come over. However, probably at the behest of
the record company or the band, he later said he had just injured himself
"by mistake" and it hadn't been a suicide attempt.
"Anyway, I woke up the next morning in a psychiatric ward, strapped up,
the full padded cell. First of all, I thought I might be dead, then this
psychiatrist came in and informed me that it was a felony to take your own
life in California - so I was busted for trying to kill myself!" (laughs)
"I'm glad I can laugh about it now. Things went from worse to worse. There
were loads of other occasions of overdoses, waking up outside dealers'
places downtown, on the lawn with no clothes on, robbed. But there were
always people to pick me up. I'd go to these meetings and be f*** high as a kite
among all these sober people. And you can't imagine a worse place to be when
you're loaded! I used to go to the bathroom and shoot up then come back and
raise my hand and say, 'I got 30 seconds clean!'"[32]
At one of those meetings or at a detox he became acquainted with Jennifer, his
present wife, a New York actress and scriptwriter, who had also been addicted
to heroin once.
Dave: "I met her in Arizona. Jennifer went back to New York.
I went to LA and we kept in touch. I'd visit her and her kid, who is now
my stepson, and we remained friends. I could see something in her I wanted.
She didn't give a crap about the band I was in. She just genuinely
cared about what I was doing to myself and I saw that right from the
start. That was unusual because I was usually suspicious of people,
particularly myself. When you can't trust yourself it's impossible
to trust others."[33]
Despite all these circumstances, the band started to record Ultra in
September 1995. It seems as if it was something like an act of defiance.
Martin realised that Alan wasn't even an original member of the band, as he said,
and that perhaps it would be right to go on without him. So he decided to do so -
and maybe he wanted to prove to Alan that he was able to make a good DM-record
without him.
Fletch confirmed, "I think there was a feeling of us having
to prove ourselves, a bit like after when Vince left. It gave us a new challenge
and I think in some ways it's spurred on us to do better things."[34]
Quotes from that time show that it wasn't as simple as they sometimes pretended
it was, and they went on saying things which weren't always diplomatic.
Martin tried at least, however.
"Alan was a very important part of the band, especially the last two albums.
He was the one who would spend the most time at the computer, sometimes until
4 in the morning. And he took on a lot of the production side of things. So,
um ... it was very important for us to find the right kind of person."
The "right person" he was talking about was Tim Simeon, whom they chose as
producer for Ultra. And while the first sentence was friendlier and a
little step towards Alan, the next one ruined it: "Since Alan left, we are working
so much more as a complete unit. We ... we do describe ourselves as a
family these days.[35] Alan left at a very strange time. It was when we
were actually doing nothing. He didn't leave us at the end of the last tour,
and he didn't leave when we got together and decided to actually start working
again. I think, after that last tour, he probably felt that he'd had enough
and wanted to leave the band, but he wanted to give himself time to reconsider."[36]
Fletch: "I wasn't sure whether I could work in a band without him anyway.
I felt he didn't have too much respect for the other members of the band. In the
end, it made the decision-making process a lot easier. When there are three
people, there has to be a decision."[37]
References:
[1] Ultra Sounds, Guitar World, May 1997. Words: Alan di Perna
[2] Press statement
[3] recoil.co.uk
[4] recoil.co.uk
[5] Synth and Sensibilities, NME, 25 January 1997. Words: Keith Cameron
[6] Pavement, 16 April 1997. Words: uncredited
[7] Ultra Sounds, Guitar World, May 1997. Words: Alan di Perna
[8] recoil.co.uk
[9] Many Smack-Free Returns! Q, June 2001. Words: Dorian Lynskey
[10] Unsound Recordings, Sound On Sound, January 1998. Words: Bill Bruce
[11] recoil.co.uk
[12] Just Can't Get Enough, Uncut, May 2001. Words: Stephen Dalton
[13] Depechemodebiographie.de
[14] recoil.co.uk
[15] Source can't be found anymore
[16] Depechemodebiographie.de
[17] Long and Winding Mode, Details, May 1997. Words: Gavin Edwards
[18] recoil.co.uk
[19] Many Smack-Free Returns! Q, June 2001. Words: Dorian Lynskey
[20] recoil.co.uk
[21] K-ROQ FM, L.A., February 1997, DJs: Kevin and Bean
[22] In the Mode for Love, Time Out, 4 April 2001. Words: Omer Ali
[23] Cash for Questions: Dave Gahan, Q, June 2003. Words: Paul Stokes
[24] recoil.co.uk
[25] depechemodebiographie.de
[26] recoil.co.uk
[27] Alan Wilder Interview, Future Music, Issue 62, November 1997. Words: Andy Jones.
[28] recoil.co.uk
[29] recoil.co.uk
[30] Tears of my Tracks, Q, March 1997. Words: Phil Sutcliffe
[31] Tears of my Tracks, Q, March 1997. Words: Phil Sutcliffe
[32] Dead Man Talking, NME, 18 January 1997. Words: Keith Cameron
[33] Facing my Monsters, Daily Mirror, 27 June 2003. Words: Gavin Martin
[34] Andy Fletcher Interview, Dotmusic, 4 May 2001. Words: Uncredited.
[35] Modus Operandi, Detour, May 1997. Words: Shari Roman (Ed: Trent Buckroyd)
[36] Ultra Sounds, Guitar World, May 1997. Words: Alan di Perna
[37] It's a Mode Mode Mode Mode World, Hits, 28 April 1997. Words: Janet Trakin
